Honoring Our Commitments to Ourselves

Last month, two close friends said they’d be singing in a choir event in a few days. Could I go? No, I could not. It was a difficult decision because the only event on my calendar that afternoon was, “Go to writing meetup and write 2,000 words.” There was no registration for the meetup, so I could have skipped it.

But my decision meant I would be keeping a commitment to myself. November was National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). To succeed, you need to write 50,000 words in one month—in my case, working on a mystery novel. In past years, I’ve tried to do NaNo four times without success. I’d get a certain number of words, and life would get busy. I’d realize I was too far behind and I’d quit.

This year was different. In October, I cleared my calendar and added writing meetups in November. A local writer’s group sponsors these write-ins, which are fun and inspiring. An example is that they have “Huzzah balls,” which consist of newspaper wadded up with ribbons attached. If you achieve a personal goal, like writing a certain number of words, you throw the ball into the middle of the room and shout, “Huzzah!” Everyone must stop writing for a moment and clap.

People with laptops - photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

Honoring Our Commitments to Ourselves – Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

So instead of going to the choir event, I attended the write-in. The camaraderie and lighthearted atmosphere supported me so I could relax and write. This is different from the way I usually approached NaNoWriMo: “I have to get a certain number of words every day this month or I’ve failed.”

To write 50,000 words in a month, you must write an average of 1,667 words a day. My goal was 2,000 words a day, so that Thanksgiving and busy days wouldn’t be an excuse to miss my goal. Keeping this commitment was difficult, but it was a matter of prioritizing my goals. For some of you, this might not be difficult. But I find it easier to honor my commitments to others than to honor my commitments to myself.

Another friend invited me to a fundraiser-luncheon in November that I’ve gone to in the past and much enjoyed. But it would be a four-hour event, plus driving. I decided to instead take part of that time to work on my novel. First I treated myself to a tasty lunch, so I wouldn’t feel I had deprived myself too much. My lunch took little more than an hour, and I had plenty of time to go to the library and write.

I was sorry to miss some enjoyable events last month, but I sure felt good when I reached 50,000 words on November 25. Putting my needs first empowered me to succeed. I felt proud of myself for getting the 50,000 words done. For probably a decade, I’ve said, “I want to write a mystery novel.” Now I can say, “I’m writing a mystery novel.” There is a big difference between those two statements.

NaNo-2018-Congrats

As always, I have room for improvement. I let go of some healthy habits in November and haven’t gotten back on track yet in December. I need to get back to running, watching my weight, and drinking enough water. These commitments to myself need to be above my holiday commitments to others. It will not do anyone any good if I am stressed out when attending and hosting holiday events this year.

What commitments do you need to keep to yourself? When do you find it difficult to keep your commitments to yourself?

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Posted in Inspiration, Lifestyle, personal leadership | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Motivation for Reaching Goals

Do you ever get in a slump, where your goals seem to go by the wayside? That happened to me recently . . . again. I haven’t been running, I’ve gained a few pounds, and I haven’t been writing except for journal entries. It’s times like this when I need a kick-in-the-butt. I found that kick by reading the book Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies about Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be  by Rachel Hollis.

I first heard of this book at a wellness workshop a few weeks ago. A woman said this book had reignited her commitment to lose weight. Other people were enthusiastic about the author’s podcasts. When a book discussion was scheduled, I read the book and went.

The book is not specifically about losing weight—weight is discussed in Chapter 17. There, she reminds us that “we function better mentally, emotionally, and physically when we take care of our bodies with nourishment, water, and exercise.” She notes that we need to replace negative thoughts in our heads with positive talk and suggests ways to do that.

The author talks about how we hold ourselves back from living joyfully and productively because we believe lies we have been told. Each chapter addresses a lie. For example, “No is the Final Answer,” “I Need to Make Myself Smaller,” and “I Will Never Get Past This.” Rachel wrote the book as a Christian wife and mother in her thirties. She is highly ambitious and is CEO of a media company. Not every chapter will fit everyone’s life, but I think everyone can find some chapters that benefit them.

While Rachel is an inspiring person, she shares honestly, not pretending to be perfect. She discusses her most embarrassing moments, trauma she has lived through, and incidents she is ashamed of. She gives ideas for staying motivated. She is young by my standards, but she has dealt with a lot in her life.

At the book discussion, it was interesting to hear other women’s thoughts. One applauded the author’s reminder to celebrate our past successes and to use that as fuel for believing we can reach new goals. That prompted another women to describe how she and her husband got through a financial crisis when they were young. Such success can be empowering. The discussion got me thinking about how I ran my first half marathon near age 60. If I can do that, I can achieve other goals.

I agreed with most of what people said at the meeting, except when two women said they have no goals and thought it was due to their age. Sorry, I can’t agree with that. There are so many goals we can be chasing. What about travel, exercise, reading, staying healthy, improving our spirituality? My goals and your goals may not be the same, nor are our goals the same as Rachel’s. But it’s worth the time to reflect on what we want in life, no matter how old we are and no matter how small or large our goals may be.

After reading the book, I searched for more information on Rachel and found out she is a motivational speaker. That is one reason I decided to review this book. How many motivational speakers do you know of that are women? I know of women who are inspirational speakers, but few who are kick-your-butt motivational speakers. We women need to support each other. As Rachel says, “Ladies, our judging has to stop.” We don’t all want the same goals or lifestyles, but can we agree we each need to choose our own goals and lifestyle and live the way we want to? That is the premise of her book.

I like that Rachel pokes us to be proactive. She says, “You are in charge of your own life, sister, and there’s not one thing in it that you’re not allowing to be there. Think about it.” I appreciate her efforts to talk straight, like one friend talking to another. I don’t actually agree that we choose every single thing in our lives, but much of our life story is up to us. Rachel empathizes with other women, and she shares her mistakes and how she learned from them. The book Girl, Wash Your Face motivated me to work on my goals.

girl wash your face image for blog post

What books by women motivate you? In what areas of your life do you need motivation?

Posted in Empowerment, Inspiration, Motivation, personal leadership, Proactive, Weight, wellness, Women | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

A Place of Comfort

The path of least resistance has a lot going for it. The comfort zone isn’t where you lose yourself. It’s where you find yourself.” ― Meghan Daum

We often talk nowadays about the need to get out of our comfort zones. In July, I wrote a post called Chasing Our Dreams about how we need to overcome fears, make plans, and act on our dreams. Leaving our comfort zones is important for our personal growth. But sometimes we need to put ourselves in a comfort zone and unwind.

Recently, I felt overwhelmed with stressful events. The world seems to be a little crazy, at least here in the United States. Politics have been divisive for a long time. And I was very upset by the recent revelations of past scandals in the Catholic Church, an institution I’ve trusted all my life. Besides all this, I kept seeing things that reminded me of my Mom, who died a few years ago. That jar of Ragu in a grocery store. Mom’s spaghetti sauce started with a jar of Ragu. That elderly women whose hair hadn’t turned gray. My Mom passed away in her 80s and still had thick, reddish-brown hair. Mom was a staunch Catholic, and I’m glad she didn’t know about the latest scandals in the Church.

So I was distressed on Mom’s birthday last week and needed some tranquility. I had a pass for a free tram ride at our local arboretum, and I decided to use it. The day was warm and sunny with a gentle breeze, and birds called as we passed lush, green woods and tall grasses in prairie areas. The driver told us many things I didn’t know and made trees seem exciting. By the time I got off the tram, I felt uplifted. I was less stressed and enjoyed a busy weekend celebrating my nephew’s wedding and my husband’s and daughter’s birthdays.

strength bench at arboretum for Sue's blog on our comfort place

We can draw strength from nature – Strength bench at Morton Arboretum

It is tempting to ignore the news, but “the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” (Edmund Burke.) Still, we need relief and time to regroup. I have talked about my efforts to make my home a place of sanctuary here . But it can be even more healing to get outside. I like to bring a cup of tea and sit on the bench on my front stoop or in the back yard.

But the arboretum is my favorite place of comfort. Many times, I give a sigh of relief as soon as I enter the arboretum grounds. The natural beauty is soothing. I also enjoy everything I do there: running, hiking, driving on the curving roads, or sitting on a bench with a hot chocolate. In the summer, Ken and I listen to bands there on Wednesday evenings with a glass of wine. In the winter, the arboretum puts on a beautiful interactive show of lights and music. I’m fortunate to have this arboretum in my home town, and I find it surprising when I hear of local people who have never been there. What are your favorite outdoor spots in your town? Do you visit them?

troll pic cropped for blog

Troll sculpture by Tomas Dambo at Morton Arboretum, my brother Randy (r.), & his wife Barb

Coincidentally, today is the first International Forest Bathing Day, and Ken and I took a free guided forest therapy walk at the arboretum. Our guide Brenda reminded us that until the Industrial Age, humans spent most of their time outside. Now we spend most of our time inside. This is why we need to seek out time in nature. Brenda invited us to experience the arboretum using our senses—for example, by noticing the smells and feeling the breeze on our skin. It was a relaxing experience, and we finished by drinking tea made from foraged herbs.

Brenda closed with the Apache Blessing, which is my wish for you:

May the sun bring you new energy by day
May the moon softly restore you by night
May the rain wash away your worries
May the breeze blow new strength into your being
May you walk gently through the world
And know its beauty all the days of your life.

How do you soothe yourself when you feel distressed? Do you have a favorite place of comfort?

Posted in Bad days, Comfort, Leading Ourselves, Nature, self-care, Stress, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Lead Your Own Life

I don’t think we realize just how fast we go until you stop for a minute and realise just how loud and how hectic your life is, and how easily distracted you can get.” Meg Ryan

The title of this blog is Women Making Strides: Be a Leader in Your Own Life. But what does that mean? Isn’t everyone the leader in their own life?

I would argue “No.” Some people let life happen to them, never thinking about what they want and what is their purpose in life. We all have free will, but not everyone uses it.

Some people might feel like a victim rather than a leader because they face major challenges in their lives. I don’t pretend to know the best way to handle such situations. We each must decide how to react to the challenges we face. Some might see a counselor or church leader, others might join a support group.

Leeton_Breast_Cancer_Support_Group_in_the_SunRice_Festival_parade_in_Pine_Ave bigger

Leeton Breast Cancer Support Group

In any case, in leading our lives we need to start with the basics, taking care of ourselves. Yesterday, I had a headache all day. In the evening, I sat in the chapel at church unable to be receptive because of the headache. I finally realized what was causing it—dehydration. Earlier in the day, I was preoccupied with my work in the parish library. Then I made dinner at home, then went back to the church for chapel. In my busyness, I forgot to take care of me and drink enough water. Do you see how taking care of ourselves physically can enrich our spirituality?

A person might spend their time watching TV or using social media. But excessive amounts of these and other behaviors can prevent us from leading active lives. We can overcome bad habits and make different choices. I spend too much time on the computer. Recently I signed up for an app to limit the amount of time I’m on Facebook. I will clear out emails this week and then will use the app to also limit the time I spend on emails. I’ve come up with a short list of things to do instead of jumping on Facebook or checking my email. I can take a short walk, sit outside with a cup of tea, garden, etc.

A big part of how our days go is up to us. Recently I had two occasions where I’d be with friends, and our conversations in the past have sometimes been superficial, which felt unsatisfying to me. I thought about what I’d like us to talk about, what I’d like to learn from the other person. At each of these gatherings, I asked what I wanted to know. This was much more satisfying than making small talk.

Philadelphia_Folk_Festival_Audience_(7825185772)

Philadelphia Folk Festival

Leading one’s own life includes enjoying life as well, and sometimes we need to be proactive to do that. This summer, my husband and I have been going to many outdoor summer concerts. We enjoy being outside in good weather, listening to music. Before summer ends, we intend to eat outside more and go to another festival. What might you do to enjoy the rest of summer?

No one else can run our lives, and why would we want them to? Take time to pause and think about your life, and give God a chance to guide you. Perhaps sit outside in quiet or write your thoughts in a journal, checking in with your body, mind, and spirit. Maybe reflect on what you want to do and how you want to be. That is being a leader in your own life.

Here are some questions to reflect on.

How do you want your life to be? Are you living the life you want to lead? Are there changes you’d like to make?

Posted in Challenges, Intentional Living, Leading Ourselves, personal leadership, Proactive, self-care | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chasing Our Dreams

I wish you: Courage to dream. Confidence to chase your dream. Commitment to eagerly achieve the dream.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita

Lately, I’ve noticed people who are chasing their dreams, regardless of their age. Some examples:

  • My sister Mary retired from her accounting job and moved from Illinois to Texas. This involved getting rid of almost all her possessions, so she can start anew.
  • A neighbor just finished theology school and became a Catholic priest. He is in his 60s.
  • This week, my Weight Watchers leader announced she is leaving the organization to work in real estate. She is a grandmother.
  • Young people are also chasing their dreams. My daughter Katie recently left her job for a better one.

For each of these people to achieve their dreams, they had to first dare to dream, to envision how their life could be. They had to overcome their fears. They had to make plans and act on them step-by-step.

Susan Boyle pic

Remember Susan Boyle’s first performance?

And they had to ignore their naysayers. I hate to admit it, but I was a naysayer when my sister Mary talked about getting rid of almost all her possessions and fitting the remainder, plus her two cats, into a minivan to drive to Texas. I doubted she could do it, but I underestimated her determination. Step-by-step, she made the big move to Texas happen.

Watching all these people chase and achieve their dreams makes me want to chase mine. I know I can, because I’ve achieved some dreams. In one of my earliest blog posts, Reaching for More, I admitted I couldn’t run more than one block. Now I regularly run four miles and have completed two half marathons.

In other posts, I’ve discussed some of my dreams—and related fears. My husband and I have talked about downsizing and living near a suburban downtown area someday. But we’ve lived in our house for more than 30 years, and I felt comfortable. I was reluctant to declutter, because that would get me one step closer to moving. Life coach Rachell Ross Kitchen told me, “Change can be scary; it’s normal to feel anxious and have some resistance.” She suggested that perhaps my fear is really excitement.

This turned out to be true. My husband and I are slowly decluttering, painting, and sprucing up our house and yard. We won’t move for a few years, but we are fixing up our home for ourselves to enjoy first. I’m looking forward to living near a downtown and being able to walk to restaurants and entertainment.

suburban downtown Maple_Grove_Main_Street_During_Annual_Art_Fair

Photo from Wikipedia

This blog started as a dream of mine, and I’ve been writing it for more than six years. I feel it has become a little stagnant. But I’ve been thinking of ideas to freshen it up and to encourage interaction. So far, I’ve changed the blog’s appearance slightly by removing all blogger awards from the sidebar. I feel hopeful about the possibilities. Please let me know your ideas.

What are your dreams? Are you chasing them? What are your fears? Might some of them be excitement?

Posted in Inspiration, Intentional Living, Proactive | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

What If?

What if you began to expect the best from any situation? Isn’t it possible that you could write new chapters in your life with happy endings? Suspend your disbelief? Take a leap of faith? After all, what have you got to lose but misery and lack?” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

At a recent weight-management meeting, members discussed how they successfully eat pizza. I had eaten pizza the previous day, but not successfully. I ate until I was full, then a fresh cheese pizza arrived, and I ate more. What was I thinking? I kept my eyes down and berated myself.

pizza cheese-cutlery-delicious-9708

After the meeting, a friendly woman told me she’d read my blog for the first time and thought it was gentle and encouraging. She mentioned a recent post, in which I said, “Take baby steps. If you can only walk a block, do that. Next time, walk a little farther.”

I felt better after talking with her and thought, “What if I were as gentle to myself as I am to others?”

I’m taking an online class and one assignment was to take a picture of some chaos in our lives, then look for inspiration in it. I took a picture of the mess on my counter and in my side pantry, and commented “Not much about this is inspiring.” But the instructor wrote: “To me what’s inspiring is the potential in the cookbooks, maybe even some of the stories that go along with them. The counter top shows life in motion and that’s inspiring.”

This reminded me again that I could be nicer to myself. I sat down with a cup of tea and looked again for inspiration among my chaos. My counter held a journal and books for another class I’m taking on Benedictine spirituality. There was a get-well card for a friend and a magazine on current events. Yes, my various interests could be inspirational—they inspire me.

The unknown used to be really scary, just that fear of, ‘What’s next? What if I’m not prepared?’ I just don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like the best is yet to come.” – Mandy Moore

In my last blog post, I mentioned I’d be training for my second half-marathon. The night before the race, I was anxious. What if I hadn’t trained adequately? What if I wasn’t dressed for the weather and was too hot or too cold? I sat down to reread pep talks from last year’s training. The leader suggested we enjoy each mile, remember we had trained, and have fun. I put the race in God’s hands and asked for His help.

The race went well for me. The scenery was pretty, the weather was perfect, and there were many spectators. My two daughters, my sister, and my husband were there to cheer me on, which gave me a boost. I finished more than seven minutes faster than last year. Many people congratulated me, which added to my excitement.

getting near the finish IMG_0033

Getting near the finish—that’s me in the white visor

I journaled about the race and the phrase “What if” popped up again. “What if I give into this current excitement and let myself feel passion for running?” “What if I train to do the Turkey Trot faster in November?” “What if I allow myself to become a better runner?”

There are many role models in my fun run club. What if I look for role models in other areas of my life? What if I remember to be a role model?

And what if I were to enjoy and feel excitement in other areas of my life—like writing?

Do your “What if” questions lead to worry and anxiety?Are there more positive “What if” questions you could ask yourself?

Posted in faith, God, Motivation, Running, Self-compassion, Stress, Weight | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

My Way

I know what’s best for me, and I want to do things my way. So, now I listen to my inner voice and my heart – and that’s how I make my decisions.” – Nina Hagen

It happened again. I intended to run consistently through the winter to establish a fitness base before training for a half-marathon. But I didn’t succeed with that intention.

Run from Haiti

A winter runner

There were reasons for this (and to be fair to myself, I did run and walk occasionally.) I had a heavy cold and sinus infection early this year that lasted about a month. My leg muscles were tight and I had blisters on my toes from walking a couple of miles one evening in unsuitable shoes. We’ve had a rough winter here in the Chicago area with lots of snow, slippery running surfaces, and cold. And I’ve been focused on other issues lately.

I do want to run the half marathon, which is on April 22. Integrity is important to me, and I paid for the race with the goal of running it ten minutes faster than last year. Training for it will help me get more fit. But if I want to run well, it is time I stop making excuses and start training in earnest.

So I thought about how I wanted to train for the race. Last year, I ran with a 1/2-marathon training group. I joined a pace group for interval running: 8-minutes running, 2-minutes walking, which may have been too strenuous for me. My legs were constantly knotted up, and I think shorter intervals would be better. So I decided to do the training my way this year, rather than join that group.

Doing things my way doesn’t mean starting from scratch. It’s always good to learn from the experts. I pulled out the training plan from last year and adapted it.

A few years ago I ran with a group coached by “Ironman Bob,” who I wrote about hereHe emphasized the importance of warmups, cooldowns and stretching to avoid injury. Warmups and cooldowns are simply walking before and after a long run. These will be a regular part of my training.

15251-a-young-woman-stretching-outdoors-before-exercising-or

The first milestone was to run six miles. I did the run alone last Saturday, using intervals of 2 minutes running, 1 minute walking. I liked that interval but realized I need to run a little faster or shorten the walking interval to meet my goals for time. Music on my MP-3 player and a picturesque route made the running pleasant.

I will supplement solitary running by running with my fun run club sometimes. People in the group train for different distances and at different paces, but one member is doing the same half-marathon, and she runs a similar pace. We plan to do some runs together. This morning I walked five miles with two other women from the club. Walking is time on my legs, and I consider it to be good training.

Recently I lost a few pounds, which should help my running, and I want to lose a few more. This would be a win-win situation: Losing pounds will benefit my running, and running should help me lose a few pounds.

So what about you? Maybe you’re not a runner, and talk of running isn’t of interest to you. But I hope you’re walking or getting other exercise. What is your best way to do this?

And I hope you’re doing things your way in other areas of your life as well. The tag line for this blog is “Be a Leader in Your Own Life.” If you’re not doing things your way, whose life are you leading?

What are your goals, why do you want to meet them, and what is your plan for getting there?

When have you found your own way?

Posted in exercise, Goals, Proactive, Running, Weight | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments