Finding Support

Posted on October 18, 2014 by Susan Ekins

“Was it you or I who stumbled first? It does not matter. The one of us who finds the strength to get up first, must help the other.” ― Vera Nazarian

We all try to do things on our own and that’s great. But if we’re not having success, why do we keep working at it alone? Why don’t we ask for support?

When I was young, I took graduate-level Computer Science classes one summer. The program was intense—two classes in four weeks—and required a Computer Science or Engineering background. Being a Math major, I had neither. Yet I stubbornly did not ask for help. Instead, I was miserable working alone on the coursework. I got through it, but did not return in subsequent summers to attain a Master’s degree.

book-15584_1280Over time, I’ve learned that it’s OK to ask for support. After my husband and I had children, I joined a moms’ group for those who had left a career to raise their family.

More recently, I had wanted to lose weight for a few years before I finally joined a weight loss group and quickly lost ten pounds. What I’ve found in the group is accountability. We weigh in every week at meetings. Other members provide camaraderie and tips on losing weight. We share our stories of success and ways to overcome temptations. Now I am at a healthy weight, and the support of the group helps me keep the excess weight off. Why didn’t I join sooner?

Sometimes a group can provide support without being a formal support group. In a Walk & Talk group for women, we talked about a self-improvement topic while walking. I’ve also been in groups for job seekers when I was unemployed. I am lucky to live in the Chicago suburbs, where one can find many groups. One place to look for a group is http://www.meetup.com.

A good way to find support for one’s marriage is to attend a Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend (http://wwme.org/). Couples who have attended can join a local WWME community and meet other couples who serve as role models. My husband Ken and I lead a local group.

Other ways to find support are to start a new group, to look for a supportive social media group, and to partner with a friend. My friend Karen and I meet once or twice a week and walk 3 to 4 miles.

A couple of years ago, my friend Krishna and I had a writing-accountability partnership. Krishna lives in Atlanta but we checked in with each other on Skype and reviewed each other’s work. Having that appointment gave me good motivation to write.

Several years ago, I was in a running group that made running fun. Everyone cheered for each other and shared a passion for running. Unfortunately, the group eventually disbanded and I stopped running. Now I’m running again and am searching for someone to run with on weekdays. The other day, I ran at a local arboretum and saw a small group of women running. Boldly, I asked if they were part of a running group. They were not, they were simply a group of friends running that day, but I’m confident I’ll find the right support soon. Meanwhile, I post my workouts in a Facebook group and receive “likes,” which inspires me to exercise daily.

What about you? Is there a goal you’ve been trying to meet without success? Have you looked for support?


 

 

Posted in Encouragement, Running, Support, Weight | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments

Needing to Focus

Posted on August 23, 2014 by Susan Ekins

“Listen for the call of your destiny, and when it comes, release your plans and follow.”
― Mollie Marti

The end of summer always makes me feel restless. I ask myself what do I want to do this fall? Some activities are a given: my work as church librarian. Being a community coordinator with my husband for Worldwide Marriage Encounter. Going to adoration, a weekly prayer service, and Sunday Mass. I firmly believe in exercise, so I will continue to walk every day. And let’s not forget Weight Watchers meetings! I need that support.

But what about the local women’s club, which I was part of for the past two years? What about Bible Study, which is taught at a local convent by an extremely knowledgeable nun? I enjoyed her class last year, and she is offering another course this fall. What about my faith sharing group, which I’ve been part of for two decades?

Each of these activities is good. The problem is that doing all these things keeps me from writing. When I’m not doing the above, I’m grocery shopping, doing social media, reading, or socializing.

Last year, I was an off-again on-again member of a WordWeavers group (a Christian writing group.) I’d like to go consistently, but I need to write items for review to make that time productive. There’s also a secular writers’ group that I’d like to join again. And I recently found out a friend will be teaching a class based on the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

How does one decide? The problem with all these scattered interests is that I seldom sit down and write–and I feel called to be a writer. I told my daughter Katie, “I have so many interests. Everything that comes up appeals to me.”

She answered, “You’re always going somewhere. Maybe all these activities help you avoid writing.” Hmm. Maybe so.

I hid out with my journal to ponder this, because journaling helps me reflect and make decisions. I realized it is good when I am not overwhelmed with activities, because that is when I feel like writing. What if I made the radical decision to drop out of faith sharing. Not sign up for Bible Study. Not renew my women’s club membership. Other than my givens, what if I were to focus on activities that are related to writing? What if I joined the two Writers Groups and sat down to write more often so I have something to bring to these groups?

And what about that Artist’s Way class? I had trouble making this decision so I journaled, prayed, and did a mindmap. The class is not directly about writing, but I need to start thinking and acting like a writer-artist if I want to succeed at writing. I need support in changing to a writer’s lifestyle, which I find attractive. The Artist’s Way encourages us to write every day and to take artist’s dates. It also teaches that creativity is a gift from God. I have decided to take this class.

What about you?

Have you taken time to assess your activities and whether they are in line with your goals? Have you ever given up the good for the better?

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Posted in Christian, Inspiration, Intentional Living, journaling, Leading Ourselves, personal leadership | Tagged , , , , , | 26 Comments

Making the Commitment

Posted on July 6, 2014 by Susan Ekins

“Commitment fuels action. Get clear about what you want to do and why you want to do it. Take action. Your time is now!” – Julie Connor, author

We are past the midpoint of 2014. How are you doing on your New Year’s resolutions or other goals?

One of my resolutions for the past few years was to lose weight, at least ten pounds. However, I didn’t do much about it. But after being invited to my nephew Trevor’s destination wedding in Cancun this summer, I finally decided to take action. The hotel was all-inclusive for food and drinks, and I knew I’d probably gain weight. I thought, “I’ve got four weeks before the wedding. I wonder if I could lose a few pounds before I go.” I journaled about the questions “Why do I want to lose weight?” and “Why don’t I want to lose weight?”

The last might seem like an odd question, but if we say we want to do something and aren’t doing it, we do have reasons. Some of mine were:

  • My schedule is busy enough and I don’t want to add weight-loss meetings.
  • It’s too hard—I don’t like having to track everything I eat.
  • I don’t like being hungry.
  • I won’t lose much weight in four weeks anyway.

My reasons for losing weight included:

  • I’m already having health issues that could be alleviated by losing weight.
  • My pants have gotten too tight and I refuse to go up a size.
  • I want to look better for this and another wedding.
  • I want to have more energy so my husband Ken and I can travel and enjoy ourselves.
  • Walking and getting back to running will be easier if I am not carrying excess weight.
  • Instead of just writing about taking care of ourselves, I need to do it. I need to live the way I want to live.

Seeing my reasons in black and white made me realize I had more reasons to lose weight than not to, and my reasons for not losing weight were really excuses. I had good reasons to lose weight and seeing them on paper gave me the commitment to actually change.

I have lost about ten pounds since then and still have about five pounds to lose. My eating habits have become healthier, including eating more fruits and vegetables.

I did gain over a pound while in Cancun but it was OK since I’d lost some weight first. I had a great time and enjoyed getting tropical drinks at the swim-up bar!

Last weekend, my family and I spent two days in Chicago with my niece and another nephew. Despite the heat, I had plenty of energy to walk for miles and miles, and we all had a lot of fun.

Now I am looking forward to a vacation down south and being fit enough to enjoy a lot of sightseeing.

What changes do you want to make for better health? What will it take for you to make the commitment?

Posted in Empowerment, Healthy living, Inspiration, Intentional Living, Leading Ourselves, Motivation, personal leadership, Proactive, self-care, Weight | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

I’m No Superwoman by Susan E.

Posted on June 7, 2014 by Susan Ekins

My guest blog post has been accepted by “Lost in Suburbia Stories”. I had fun writing it and hope you enjoy reading it.

lostinsuburbiablog's avatarLost In Suburbia Stories

I always kept it with me, hidden, and I took it out only when I was alone.  But one day, my best friend Tina discovered my secret. 

to do listWe had met for coffee. I opened my purse, and it fell on the table. Tina snatched it up before I could stop her.

“Let me see that! Is this your To-Do List?!” she said gleefully.

“Give it back!” I said, but she held it out of reach.

My To-Do List was two pages of single-spaced typing, and I had folded and unfolded it so many times that the edges were frayed. I had crossed off sentences and scribbled all over it.

“Sign up and train for 5K race,” Tina read aloud. “Cool! What race?” She had recently completed the Chicago marathon.

“I don’t know,” I said. “See, this is really more like a wish list.”

“But you’ve got these sticky notes saying…

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Learning From Maya

Posted on June 4, 2014 by Susan Ekins

Loved this post by Sue Shanahan and wanted to share it with the readers of Women Making Strides. Maya was truly a leader in her own life (and that of others!) and she was a woman who used her talents to better the world.

Sue Shanahan's avatarCommonplace Grace

Maya Angelou Maya Angelou 1928-2014

“When you learn, teach, when you get, give.” ― Maya AngelouDr. Maya Angelou passed away peacefully on May 28th. She was a poet, memoirist, performer, educator, activist and mother. In 1982, when she took on a professorship at Wake Forest University, she knew she had come home. To her surprise she discovered she hadn’t become a writer who taught but was now a teacher who wrote. And teach she did. Many of us were introduced to her by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah took joy in sharing the life lessons she learned from her mentor. Today, many of those insights roll off my tongue. Whomever I quote them to invariably thinks I’m brilliant. Of course, I have to confess those wise words didn’t originate with me. I can only accept credit for being smart enough for taking Maya as my own. “We are more alike than…

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Time to Reflect

Posted on May 16, 2014 by Susan Ekins

“Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own.” – Oprah Winfrey

Recently I had sinusitis and bronchitis. Congestion, coughing, and difficulty breathing made me lethargic, and I laid around, reading cozy mysteries. A friend told me that colds happen in order to slow us down. At first I dismissed her comment because my life is not overly fast-paced, but then I decided that perhaps this illness was giving me time to reflect on my life.

Here is what I learned, along with questions for you to reflect on:

  • I need to take better care of myself. Another clue to this was that my pants had become too tight, even though I lost weight from being ill. This past winter was particularly fierce in the Chicago area, and I did not walk as I do most winters. I realized that I’d gotten out of shape, and I started walking every day as soon as I felt better. I also joined Weight Watchers.

      Are you taking good care of yourself?

  • The week before I got sick, I did a couple of volunteer tasks that I didn’t really want to do. I asked myself why I had felt I needed to do that when I already do plenty of volunteer work. I realized I can say “No.”

      Do you say yes when you want to say no?

  • I have seasonal allergies, but they were under control until the day I was unable to breathe for a few seconds. I was choking, although there was nothing in my throat. My sister watched me gesturing and said, “Can you talk?” Somehow I reached deep within to push through a little air. This incident was frightening and reminded me of my mortality.

      When have you thought about your mortality?

  • I went to the doctor the next day who said my airways had probably been blocked by postnasal drip. She gave me an inhaler, but later I realized I had left without a plan to prevent this from occurring again. Instead I accepted my doctor’s statement that “Your allergies are under control.” My doctor is not fully to blame—I should have been more assertive. I am responsible for my health.

      Are you assertive when talking to others?

  • My symptoms kept getting worse, and I went to an Immediate Care doctor on the weekend. By then, I had developed a sinus infection and bronchitis. After a complete change of medicines, I started to feel better. I’ve decided to look for a primary care doctor like this Immediate Care doctor, who addressed all my concerns.

      Are you proactive regarding your health?

  • While reflecting on my sickness, I looked for bright spots. My daughter Katie tells me that while I lay in bed coughing, our dog was pressed against the gate that keeps him downstairs, listening to me cough. It’s nice to know that he and others care. Friends and family checked on me and sent well wishes.

      Have there been any bright spots in your recent challenges? Have you             checked on family or friends who are not feeling well?

  • Finally, I reminded myself to put my illness in perspective. Before I got sick, my husband and I attended a Dance Marathon fundraiser that my daughter Mel helped run to benefit patients of a children’s hospital. More than a dozen “miracle families” told their stories at the event. There were few dry eyes in the room when parents talked about children that had passed away or children fighting for their lives. One 9-year-old boy has been through 35 surgeries and still is fed through a tube. Thinking about other people’s challenges made my own seem less momentous.

      Is that true for you?

Loras College Dance Marathon 2014

Loras College Dance Marathon 2014

Have you taken time to reflect lately? What have you learned?

 

Posted in Challenges, Healthy living, Proactive, self-care, Solitude | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Are you a Leader in Your Own Life?

Posted on April 3, 2014 by Susan Ekins

“Leadership is a series of behaviors rather than a role for heroes.” – Margaret Wheatley

Are you a leader? Google this question and you’ll find articles and quizzes to help you determine the answer. But even if you are not a leader by the world’s standards, may I suggest we can all be leaders in our own lives.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Isn’t everyone a leader in their own life?”

I don’t think so. People who are very passive are not leading their life. People who are addicted are controlled by their addiction. People who can’t say “No” are letting others guide their life. And what about people who have no goals? People who can’t make a decision?

We all have the ability to be leaders in our own life. It is we who decide how to spend our time. We decide whether to go out for a walk or watch TV. We decide whether to acknowledge our spiritual side. We decide how important material wealth is to us. We choose to take care of ourselves—or not.

Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care nurse, says here that the most common regret people have on their death bed is “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” If we aren’t being a leader in our own life, we may someday find ourselves asking, “What was my life all about?”

I decided to reflect on one aspect of my life, work and ministry, to see if I’m satisfied with how I’ve led that part of my life so far.

  • After college, I was a computer engineer at a corporation for eight years until my first child was born.
  • I parented my three children, who are now young adults.
  • When my youngest entered school, I worked part-time as an office manager.
  • I also worked for a nonprofit, which I much enjoyed, although it ended regrettably. See Eyes of Faith.
  • Currently I’m my church’s librarian. My husband and I serve as local Community Coordinators for Worldwide Marriage Encounter. And obviously, I blog. None are paid positions, but these ministries are how I serve and lead at this time.

What does my history of Work and Ministry say about me? I think it says I care more about my work and ministry having a purpose than having a big salary. And I’m OK with that. However, I will be regretful if I reach the end of my life and haven’t written more for publication (perhaps a book.) Currently I am taking a Fiction Writing class, but I want to work harder in this area.

Now how about you?

Review your history in one aspect of your life such as Work and Ministry. What does your past say about you? Are you happy with how you’ve led that area of your life so far? Is there a change you want to make?

Posted in Empowerment, Encouragement, Inspiration, Intentional Living, Leading Ourselves, Motivation, personal leadership, Proactive, self-care | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

18 Inspiring Quotes by Women

Posted on March 8, 2014 by Susan Ekins

“Most collectors collect tangibles. As a quotation collector, I collect wisdom, life, invisible beauty, souls alive in ink.” – Terri Guillemets

Happy International Women’s Day, which celebrates the achievements of women while pointing out that inequalities still exist. You may have noticed that I begin every blog post with a relevant quote by a woman. Frankly, such quotes are sometimes hard to find. Women are wise, but perhaps their wisdom has not always been recognized.

The theme for the 2014 International Women’s Day is Inspiring Change. Here are 18 inspiring quotes by women.

  1. “One should never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.” – Helen Keller

2. “Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose…not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.” – Anne Sullivan

3. “All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail. That is the talisman, the formula, the command of right-about-face which turns us from failure towards success.” – Dorothea Brande

4. “Don’t wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself.” – Sara Henderson

5. “You were born to fly, so spread your angel wings and be what you came here to be, do what you came here to do. The time is now, and the world is waiting.” – Sherri Lane

6. “Your future is found in your daily routine. Successful people do daily what others do occasionally!” – Paula White

7. “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” – St. Catherine of Siena

8. “No matter how we have ignored our dreams, our dreams remain, and we will have no peace until we act on them.” – Julia Cameron

9. “All the arts we practice are apprenticeship –– the big art is our life.”– M. C. Richards

10. “Believing something is one thing. But the best things only come when you decide to be living it.” – Ann Voskamp

11. “If you wait for inspiration to get started, you’ll never get it done. Just get started. Inspiration will come once you begin moving forward.” – Valorie Burton

12. “If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.” – Mary Pickford

13. “The terrorists thought that they would change our aims and stop our ambitions but nothing changed in my life except this: Weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born.” – Malala Yousafzai

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Photo_de_famille_lors_de_la_remise_du_25e_prix_Sakharov_%C3%A0_Malala_Yousafzai_Strasbourg_20_novembre_2013_06.jpg

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 14. “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

15. “Be happy in the moment, that’s enough.  Each moment is all we need, not more.” – Mother Teresa

16. “The clock is ticking fast. Burn the candle large.” – Diane Sawyer

17. “We should never, ever give up. . . . You’re never too old to chase your dream.” – Diane Nyad

18. “This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy.” – Susan Polis Schutz

Please share your favorite quotes by women.  How will you celebrate International Women’s Day?

Posted in Empowerment, Inspiration, Women | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

Friends of All Ages

Posted on February 25, 2014 by Susan Ekins

“If we all understood we can learn from both older and younger people, then we’d have a better world.” – Adora Svitak

When my friend Tina went through chemotherapy for breast cancer some years ago, her experience deepened the friendship between her, our friend Georgia, and myself. We all became more spiritual and our conversations reflected that. We wrote emails sharing lessons that we’d learned in life.

Georgia shared several gems:

  • Without the beauty of God’s creations to surround them, man’s creations are bleak and cold.
  • Life is like a roller coaster, and nothing makes you appreciate the high points like going through the lows and the wild curves.
  • Good friends are forever . . . and to quote the Beatles, ‘I get by with a little help from my friends.’

Some of Tina’s comments were:

  • Listen to good music every day—all the time.
  • Always read a few good pages throughout the day.
  • Pray and do everything as if it is the Lord who is setting your goals every day.

I’ve learned much from Tina, Georgia, and other friends near my age. But I’ve also learned from both older and younger friends.

An older friend, Karen, helped me put my job loss in perspective a couple of years ago. “If you don’t need the money right now, view this time as a gift.” And when I went through angst about not knowing how to write a book, she said, “Sue, you have everything you need within you to write a book. When you’re ready, you will write it.”

Another older friend volunteers with me at our parish library. Although I am technically the head librarian, she has advanced degrees in English and Religious Studies and a decade of practical knowledge that I rely on.

But I also learn from my younger friends. My three young-adult children generally make healthier food choices than I do and get more exercise. My daughter Katie is a vegetarian and got me thinking about whether the animals I eat are treated humanely. I choose to eat meat, but after another young friend posted a video showing how some animals are treated, I try to ensure the meat I eat is from animals that were humanely raised.

My young friends are perhaps more idealistic than some of us who may be a bit jaded after setbacks. They don’t stay in work situations that make them unhappy. I see them pursuing their dreams and I’m inspired to keep at it myself.

I also admire their spirit of adventure. They take advantage of greater opportunities for travel. Both of my daughters have lived overseas (one in South Korea and the other in Spain.) These were times of growth and enjoyment for them.

Finally, my young friends accept and respect lifestyles different from theirs including (sometimes with bemusement) mine. I’ve learned from their example.

Probably every generation thinks they can teach their elders a few things. And each generation thinks they can teach those younger than them.

And they’re right.

Do you have friends who are different ages than you?  What life lessons have you learned from your friends?

Posted in Friendship, Inspiration, personal leadership, Proactive, Spiritual, Support | Tagged , , , , , | 11 Comments

Benefiting From a Journal

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Susan Ekins

“We should write because humans are spiritual beings and writing is a powerful form of prayer and meditation, connecting us both to our own insights and to a higher and deeper level of inner guidance.” – Julia Cameron

Since the New Year, I’ve been writing in my journal every day. In the past I hand wrote my entries in notebooks, but now I typically use the computer. My handwriting is difficult for even me to read, and the computer helps me track how many words I write each day.

Some days, I do self-guided journaling and answer a question such as “What are my priorities for this week?” Other days I free write about whatever comes to mind. This is similar to the concept of morning pages that Julia Cameron writes about: “Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning.”

Journaling every day gives me unexpected benefits. It ensures that I reflect on my life and don’t just go through the motions. Recently, I pondered what was stopping me from entering a writing contest. A reviewer had made an offensive remark about the piece I wanted to submit. Writing about this made me realize the comment had been made on an early draft. My resistance melted and I submitted the piece. Since the New Year, I’ve submitted three items to contests and a magazine.

Journaling helps me articulate what’s important and what’s not. It helps me make decisions such as: “Should I apply for a part-time job?” and “Do I want to go to my women’s club meeting today?”

My journal also helps me process dramas in my life. An acquaintance recently made a thoughtless comment that insulted me. I wrote about what happened and my feelings about it. I realized the remark said more about her than me. Journaling lets us vent without ruining someone else’s day. We can put our angst on the page and get it out of our heads.

On a bad day, I write in my journal and ask how I can make the day go better. In that way, journaling is like a conversation with my wiser self. One day I was frustrated and decided I simply needed to get things done. I listed in my journal what I wanted to do, turned off the computer, and did them.

On another day everything was going wrong. I wrote it all down including “Dexter (my dog) threw up three times.” “I burned the spaghetti sauce.” “I feel frumpy today.” Eventually I admonished myself. “Well, whine, whine, whine, Sue! This is an unbelievable amount of crabbing and ‘poor me’ attitude. I am probably simply tired.” I went to bed early, and the next day went well.

When a problem is too great for even my wiser self, my journal becomes a prayer. I write “Dear God, why do things like this have to happen?” I may not uncover the “why” but putting it in God’s hands can bring me peace.

For journaling resources and assistance, I recommend Refresh with Dawn Herring: For a Fresh Perspective in All of Life’s Dimensions.

Do you journal? What benefits has it given you? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Posted in Bad days, journaling, personal leadership, self-care | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments